Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Bah Humbumg

I love Christmas!  I believe I may have mentioned this, if not, I am again.  I turn on the Christmas music the day that it begins, usually sometime around early to mid-November.  This is of course to encourage all of us to begin our Christmas shopping early and then to continue shopping until Christmas Eve thinking that we must not have enough "stuff".  Anyways, I listen to the music, sing along and look forward to it every year.  I often wonder what a radio station would do if I were to call in June with a request asking to play a Christmas song.

Like so many other things in life, you can't like everything and Christmas music is definitely no exception.  These are the songs that I will change the station when I hear and ban Sunshine from singing along.

Issue #1:  "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - An innocent enough song gone wrong.  This poor child, he is trying to convince his brothers that he saw something and they clearly don't believe him.  There are only 2 reasons why this could be: 1. He is delusional and his family hasn't admitted it yet. 2. He has witnessed his mother cheating on her husband.  Of course the latter only encourages dysfunctional families that will inevitably fall apart in divorce and child custody battles, child custody battles of who gets stuck with the delusional child that is.

Issue #2:  "Last Christmas"  If you're not sure which song I mean:

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away"

Just not a very Christmas-y song.  How depressing.  The guy sounds like he needs some Prozac, counseling at the very least.  That was last year buddy.  Time to get over your ex.  You certainly aren't going to be finding someone who "cares" if you can't stop talking about her, much less writing songs for her.

And FINALLY, to take save the best (or worst) for last.  This song is the song that once it comes on the radio is instantly changed, yet somehow will be stuck in my head for hours after hearing it.

Issue #3.  "Do They Know it's Christmas" by Band Aid.  Ugh, I truly do not like this song.  "Band-aid" indeed!  You just need to yank that Band-aid off, don't go slow and make the pain last any longer than necessary.  This cannot be explained by one small line, there are too many things I don't like about this song.

...And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

Well that's just truly un-Christmas all around.  I don't even know where to begin.  Remember to say your prayers tonight kids: "Dear God, Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, and those starving children.  Thank you for making them suffer and not me. Amen." - Nice.

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

First of all, snow in most parts of Africa means one thing and one thing only: extreme global climate change.  Second, "their greatest gift is life"; not me, I don't think anyone should be thankful or grateful for life... I'm thankful for that new iPhone I might be getting.  Give me a break.  Time to yank off the Band-aid.

So, that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it!  Merry Christmas everyone and I hope you enjoy the holidays (crappy Christmas songs and all).


No comments:

Post a Comment