Discussions I never thought I'd have

Bug has a birthmark on the right side of his nose, kind of between his eye and the bridge.  As a baby it was puffy and very dark red; it couldn't be missed.  It started to show up about a week after he was born.  At first we thought it was simply a scratch he had gotten from his fingernails being too long.  Then it didn't go away and Hubby said he thought it looked like it might be a birthmark.  Gradually it grew bigger to become about the size of a penny.  The doctor said it would eventually fade and go away, which it has.  People still comment on it but they don't have quite the same reaction to it as they did when he was younger.

When Monkey was around 3, he acquired a beauty mark on the right side of his nose.  It is in the exact same spot as Bug's birthmark.  The first time I saw it I mentioned it and said something along the lines of, hey, you have a beauty mark in the same spot as Bug's birthmark!  He asked what a birthmark was and thought it was awesome that he and his brother were "twins".

Fast forward a few years.

The other day in the car Sunshine mentions that it looks like Bug has a new freckle.  Bug doesn't have freckles and the spot she saw it was on the underside of his arm, not the spot where you would suddenly start to acquire freckles.  I told her it probably wasn't a freckle but a beauty mark, and then this happened:

Monkey: I have a beauty mark just where Bug has one.  We're twins.
Sunshine:  Why does everyone say that Monkey and Bug look the same?
(Before I can answer)
Monkey:  It's because we have blonde hair and we both have birthmarks on our noses in the same spot.  (how convenient that his beauty mark turned into a birthmark)
Sunshine:  That's not fair!  Why do they both get one and I don't?!
Me:  Really?  Are you really getting upset about this?
Sunshine:  What?  Why do they look alike and I don't?  It's not fair!
Me:  I believe you do have a birthmark, don't you.  In fact, don't you have two birthmarks?
Sunshine:  Yes, but it's not the same.
Monkey:  I want a birthmark too!
Sunshine:  You already have a birthmark!
Monkey:  No, it's a beauty mark!  I want a birthmark!  Why don't I have a birthmark too?!
Me:  (Not believing that we are having a discussion much less an argument about this)  Both of you be quiet and stop arguing.  Let's play who's the quietest!
Sunshine:  Yeah!
Monkey:  NO!  I hate who's the quietest.  You know I'm not good at it.  Let's play who's the loudest!
Sunshine: Quietest!
Monkey:  Loudest!!
Me:  I will turn this car around and we will go back home if you 2 don't stop arguing!

These are the arguments that no one tells you will happen.  People may tell you they argue about ridiculous things, but you don't really know until you are in the midst of it.  Driving.  For 20 minutes.  By yourself.

Vicky

Aaawww.... young love

Sunshine has been best friends with this boy J, she has been playing with him since November.  She talked about him and his twin brother S during Thanksgiving and Christmas break.  They were invited to her birthday party and she to theirs.  The 3 of them play on the playground all the time, although it is mostly Sunshine and J who play together and S tags along.  Apparently chasing, poking, yanking and giggling is great fun.

A few weeks ago, they invited Sunshine to one of those bouncy places that happened to have one of those fight ring things where you can knock the other with one of those padded gladiator jousting sticks, which is just awesome.  And by awesome I mean stupid and a black eye waiting to happen.  So there they were, at this bouncy area, and Sunshine decides she wants to try these gladiator jousting sticks.  It's funny, she doesn't like to rough house at home, but with J, she is all about it.  Well apparently she was in this ring area and a not very nice boy "the-boy-with-the-red-shirt" kept taking her stick from her.  J and his twin brother S, continued to get in front of their friend and keep her safe and allow her to play with these jousting sticks.  The act made the mom of 4 boys proud and this mom feel better about having her daughter hang out with the 2 boys who were willing to protect her.

Two weeks later, Sunshine wanted to invite the boys somewhere for a playdate so we decided a different jumpy place.  This one didn't have the crazy jousting area and I knew it would be good for both Sunshine and Bug since Bug and Monkey would be joining us.  Well, Sunshine decides that this is not a playdate, it's just a date and she and J would be kissing in the bouncy house.  Uuhhh, excuse me?  She blushes a color I have never seen on her before and giggles.  "What did you say?"  In this high pitched, squeaky voice, she says, "We're going to kiss in the bouncy house." (hehehe-giggle giggle giggle).

We had a discussion about this and I'm sure she didn't listen since "all the other girls in school have been kissed" (when I asked who, she was able to name one girl and the one boy who kissed her on the cheek - whew).

Later in a different discussion she says that J is her best friend and yes she loves him.  She announces she is going to marry him.  She also said she wondered if J was allergic to cats or dogs because they don't have a dog or cat.  The names of their kids will be Liam and Rosie.

I asked her when she was planning on getting married and she said "not until I'm a grown up.  Like when I'm 16."  Haha, maybe a few years later.  She has written in her journal, "I love J", "Sunshine and J" with a picture of 2 people holding hands with giant eyes staring at each other with a heart between them, and "I have a boyfriend, his name is J."

I suppose I'd better start working on their wedding present!

Vicky

Nurse Child

Every child has a different sense of empathy and sympathy.  Having three kids with a mix of boys and girl, I'm able to see how my daughter and sons behave and question: Is this a girl thing?  a boy thing? or a birth order thing?  I have 3 kids and they all have different responses to when Mommy isn't feeling well and wants to rest on the couch with her feet up.  Kids being kids though they can only be on their best behavior for so long.  Here is a typical progression of their own responses and their responses when they are with their siblings when mommy is sick:

Sunshine, she is 7 years old:  With concern in her eyes, she will come up to me and ask if I am ok.  She will proceed to get me a glass of water, and a snack for me if I were to ask.  She will sit next to me on the very edge of the couch so she doesn't disturb me.  She will proceed to do the very motherly act of caressing my cheeks or hair and make sure I'm comfortable.

Monkey, he is 5 years old:  He will see Sunshine over by me, come over and ask me if I am ok.  He will also get me a glass of water.  Sunshine will tell him, "No, she already has some."  He will ask if I am cold or not and will proceed to get me his special blanket, his pillow, and one or more of his special stuff animals.  He will cover me up, put the pillow under my head and crawl under the blanket and cuddle with me.  He will then wiggle his feet and toes back and forth under the blanket.

Bug, he is 2 years old:  I am now lying down on the couch and cuddling with Monkey.  He has taken this as an invitation to also cuddle with me.  He crawls up on me, cuddles for about 5 seconds, and decides that it is much more fun to use me as a stepping stone to get to the back of the couch.  He will slide down from the back of the couch and land on my legs and stand there, rocking back and forth, watching TV (use TV to distract the kids while you rest).  When I tell him not to do this, he will walk along the length of my body, using my thigh, hip, side, and head/face as a balance beam.  The best way for him to turn will be for him to stand on my cheek and hair.  He will also decide my  side is an awesome horse and will bounce on my side.

At this point, Sunshine has seen the commotion, she pushes Bug out of the way and lays down with me as well.  Sunshine and Monkey proceed to argue and push each other back and forth trying to get the best view of the TV which has now become my enemy.  One of them has decided to give and is now laying behind my knees, using my butt as a pillow.  Bug, the one who needs the most supervision, is now standing 2' from the television.  He will become distracted in a few minutes and I will then have to get up to go chase after him as I realize someone left markers on the kitchen table and the gate to the upstairs was never closed.

I drag my sick self up off the couch go chase down Bug and find him in the kids' bathroom with his brother's toothbrush in the toilet.  When he sees my, he promptly shoves the toothbrush in his mouth and then cries when I yank the nasty thing from his grasp.  The crying and toilet water leads to drooling and a snotty nose, he realizes the best towel is my clothes and am now covered in toilet water drool and boogers.

With soiled toothbrush in hand, to be disposed of downstairs where Bug will not dig it out of the bathroom garbage, I head downstairs.  When I get there I find Sunshine laying on Monkey's pillow and blanket and the two of them arguing.  They are both holding a bag of fruit chews and as soon as they see me, they ask if they may eat the said fruit chews.  When told no, they continue to fight and tell me every single detail that has happened while I were away for 3 minutes upstairs.

I take the fruit chews from them and as I walk past the kitchen table I look at the kitchen table.  Sure enough, Bug got ahold of one of the markers and decided he needed to show his creative side on the table.  I thank God and Crayola for washable markers and wash off his masterpiece.

It is now 4:30 and dinner needs to be cooked.  I take some Advil and call Hubby to see what time he's going to be home.

And this is the reason why I can't rest when I'm sick.

True story.

Vicky

Deadly bouquets that live in your own front yard!

The other day, Sunshine, Monkey and the 2 little girls (N &M and their mom K)2 doors down, were outside playing.  At one point Monkey runs in saying, "Mommy!  I have a flower for you!"  I instantly think of my tulips that had just the beginnings of buds, picturing them being yanked from their stems.  "What flower?"  He comes into the room holding a dandelion and proudly announces, "It's a dandelion!  I picked it because I know they're your favorite."  Aaawww, how sweet, how could I think anything but?

Fifteen minutes later Sunshine comes in and announces, "Mommy, I have some bad news about Bug."

Bug was right in front of me so I wasn't too concerned.  "What's the bad news?"

"K says that dandelions are poisonous and we shouldn't touch them."

"You must have misunderstood her.  Dandelions are not poisonous.  People eat dandelions, they're not poisonous."

"K said they are.  She said don't touch them, they're poisonous."

"Well maybe they put fertilizer or some kind of chemicals on their lawn and now there poisons on the lawn and dandelions.  But dandelions aren't poisonous."

"I'll go tell her you said she was wrong."

And off she went before I could tell her to rephrase what she was about to blurt out.

A half hour later and it's time to come in for dinner.  We're about to sit down and Sunshine says to me, "Mommy, you were right.  K said they put stuff on their yard and we shouldn't pick their dandelions."

Monkey (who listens a lot more than he lets on) pipes in all happy to be part of the discussion, "I can touch the dandelions."

To which Sunshine responds, "Monkey, no you can't touch them!  K says they're poisonous and you could get sick!"

Monkey, quite confused now, "I touched them.  I'm not sick."

Sunshine grabs ahold of Monkey's wrist and starts dragging him.  She is frantically yelling, "Monkey, come on!  You have to go to wash your hands!"

Monkey calmly replies, "No, I don't."

Still frantic, she screams, "Monkey, if you don't wash your hands YOU COULD GET SICK AND DIE!"

Rather than freaking out at the concept of dying, he tells her he already picked a dandelion for me and yes he already gave it to me.

Poor Sunshine, she is practically in tears, "Mommy,  you have to throw that dandelion away!  Don't touch it though!  What if Bug or Lily ate it?!  I don't want any of you to die!"

What was discovered/learned from this event:
Don't touch other people's dandelions, trespassing won't be an issue for quite a while.
Yes, she really does love her brother.
I may have lost my 2 dandelion pickers for the summer.

Vicky

Teasing

There are few things that bring out the mama bear in me, teasing is one of them.  A little kid teasing my kid is just too much.  Monkey hasn't had to deal with it yet, he's only in preschool, kids don't tease and if they do he hasn't been the brunt of it.  Everyone's friend and oblivious to most things around him, Monkey wouldn't be bothered by a few teasing comments and the kid teasing would leave him alone.

Not true with Sunshine.

Sunshine is just that.  A ray of Sunshine that is sweet and innocent.  Now I'm not saying my child doesn't get in trouble or doesn't do her fair share of fighting with her brother, but suggest that she may have hurt someone's feelings and she will break down in tears.  Things are not supposed to be yanked from people and manners remembered.  In return, she expects the same courtesy and respect-don't we all?

So when a peer is not nice it doesn't make sense.  Why would someone do this?  Why was this random boy at the bouncy area taking this toy?  Even worse though is when a friend, or someone she thought was a friend, isn't nice.  Her heart breaks a little bit more with each comment.  Sweet, confused, easily upset, and innocent, she makes an easy target.

Like everything, there is a hierarchy and sadly, in first grade the mean kids are on top.  Fear of being told they won't be allowed to play on something or with something will keep these targets playing with the mean kids, only encouraging their behavior.  Comments beginning as, "You have to do this if you want to be my friend." escalate to "I thought you were my friend." to complete teasing and making fun of the child that questioned them.  After all, questioning can lead to one thing and one thing only, complete revolution and walking away with all the other kids that are still willing to follow in their shadow.

Unfortunately, Sunshine's been being teased.  It started in November with a boy.  I'll call him N.  In November she and N had been playing with about 6 other kids.  He would make random comments that began with her glasses.  Still believing they were friends, she didn't mention it for quite a while and when she did she was in tears and all sorts of comments came spilling out.

Along came her birthday and N had not been mentioned except in passing.  They played together as a group and she told us about the obnoxious stories (absolute lies) that he claimed were true.  Not understanding why a friend would lie to her when she questioned him, she was willing to believe him.

Unfortunately, the small jabs had continued and I had not known about them.

Recently the comments have been about her lunches.  This makes no sense to me except that being different and not standing up for yourself makes you easy prey for children with low self-esteem and N , T, ( T is in the "I thought you were my friend" stage) and S, have decided to make fun of her healthy lunches.  Tomatoes, dried bananas, and other vegetables, are disgusting and why would she eat them?  She tells them they're good and they should ask their mom to buy them.  It's unfortunate the school doesn't allow sharing, although I doubt they would admit they liked the bananas.  Now she doesn't want to pack those snacks because she is worried about upset about what they will say.  When asked what they bring for lunch, cookies, popcorn, and candy are always on the list.  They also tease about what she watches on TV.  Also extremely unfortunate since I know what shows they are watching and I'd rather not have my daughter watching them.  Her 2 younger brothers are in the same room and they don't need to be exposed to them either.

So I tell her she needs to ignore them and tell a teacher, be it her teacher or the teacher in the lunchroom or playground, as well as ignore them.  Yesterday she comes home, proud of herself for the first time in a while and announces that she ignored N.  He tried to tell her another of his tall tales and apparently she just ignored him.  When he attempted to get her attention, she gave him the cold shoulder.  I hope she remembers to also tell a teacher, she can still hear those comments and I don't want her to develop a low self-esteem, but for now she is standing up for herself and that is something she will need to be able to do for the rest of her life.

I still don't like the kid and wish he moved - just like her told Sunshine he was doing.  I have a feeling the story of N and S moving in together to the city is just another story though.

Vicky