Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I think I felt the baby?

I've watched dozens of those baby shows, especially when I was pregnant.  After I was pregnant, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant came out.  For those who may not know what it is about (or can't figure it out by the title) it is exactly about that.  Women who make it through their whole pregnancy without ever knowing they are pregnant.  Usually they are in the ER and the doctors announce to them that they are in labor.  The women are always in shock, they did just find out they're having a baby now.  The doctors are always in shock, how could you not know you were pregnant.  The of course there's the baby, usually a full term baby weighing at least 6 lbs although I've even seen 8 lbs.  There are so many times a woman will say that she felt something but always assumed it was just indigestion or her bowels.  My reaction?  WHAT?!!!  How on earth could you mistake baby movement for gas?  I know they say that early one the baby movement feels like gas but how could you mistake those huge kicks and rolls or not at least question it?  

I know how.  Over the weekend I had some kind of stomach issue.  Nothing major, just a little bit of a rumbly stomach.  I was sitting down so I felt it even more.  It was  so strong that it truly felt like a baby moving.  If I hadn't known I couldn't be pregnant, I would have been concerned.  If I thought there was no way I could get pregnant but hadn't taken permanent measures, I would probably have gone home and taken a pregnancy test.

That's because I have been pregnant and I know what the movements feel like.  I do wonder  though how often I thought I felt the baby move but I was really only feeling indigestion.

What about the weight?  I gained a lot with all three and looked like someone stuck a basketball under my shirt (and made my face and feet puffy and swollen).  What about that?  Well my body has changed.  I haven't gained weight but boy, my weight has shifted.  Is it because of the babies, not sure, pretty sure it is, but I could easily say the same thing if I weren't.  I could groan and say that I hated my body and how I looked and wonder why I couldn't get those pounds off.

What about your period though?  Well that's something that some women just don't get every month which is part of the reason she would think she couldn't get pregnant to begin with.

Then the show gets obnoxious and says things like, "She had cravings and was tired."  Yeah, well I get tired and have always gotten tired.  I'm pretty sure I'm not unusual with this either, many Americans don't get enough or good sleep (or at least that's what all those mattress commercials tell me!).  I certainly have gone through cravings and haven't said, "Gee, I've been wanting that banana shake an awful lot lately, OH CRAP! I think I might be pregnant!"

So what is this post really about?  I'm not sure except that it's a cruel trick of nature.  I shouldn't be sitting in my car thinking that I just felt the baby move when there is, and never will be, a baby.  It's not fair to dangle the carrot and never allow you to have it.  Do I want another baby?  Not really, I'm happy with how our family is.  Am I happy with our decision?  Not always, permanent things are always so permanent.  Sometimes I wonder if we made the decision too quickly or if we made the decision without thinking it completely through.  Hubby would disagree.  He's completely done having kids but I sometimes I'm sad about the decision.  Sometimes I think about how I'll never get to feel a baby move and kick my bladder.  How I'll never be rushing to the hospital and holding my brand new baby.  It's just sometimes.


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